Organizational background: change the statistics to include both adults and children
Organizational background: Revise last paragraph to include more than one person from the organization
Organizational Background: Combine paragraph in the middle with paragraph at the end
Goals and Objectives: Increase specificity around Community Roots project
Goals and Objectives: add how the sales will be measured
Goals and Objectives: More objectives needed/more specificity
S.O.N: Take out and unnecessary information surrounding different organizations
S.O.N: more background/statistics
All: Make sure that Lewiston-Auburn is hyphenated correctly
Statement of needs:
Focus more on the residents of Maine themselves and how they’re affected by beach pollution
The bulk of the argument revolves around tourism
Run-on sentences
Proposal idea:
Specifically state who is responsible for what
Specifically state who will benefit from this program
Project description:
Mesh together the paragraphs better for improved flow
Don’t use should
Keep volunteers’ and employees’ duties separated to increase readability
Write about the outcome of our project on the water quality
Be optimistic about it at the end
Organizational background info:
Focus more on how we are qualified to do a beach cleanup project
Goals and objectives:
Maybe too many sub-goals
Don’t use should
Need objective for educational goal
Statement of needs:
Focus more on the residents of Maine
– how they’re affected by beach pollution
The argument is centered on tourism
Eliminate run-on sentences
Proposal idea:
State the job of employees, and who is responsible for specific tasks
Go into more detail about who will benefit from the program
Project description:
Combine the paragraphs together to improve the impression of flow
Avoid soft language, such as should, could, would
Be more specific and distinct about the duties of volunteers versus employees – to ensure the writing is clear and digestible
Expand on the outcome of the project
– water quality and other environmental improvements
– education
Have more conviction and be more optimistic about the prospects of the project
Organizational background info:
Be more specific as to why we’re qualified to execute a beach cleanup, and therein, why we should receive the grant
More history of the work the organization had done
Goals and objectives:
There are too many sub-goals
Avoid weak language like should, could, would
Create an objective for the educational goal
– Make sure all formatting of the name Lewiston/Auburn fits the same (L/A) abbreviation.
– Make our statement of need (S.O.N) more specific to the project we have more fully developed.
– Make sure we are asking for enough money work on the budget.
– Update LOI (letter of interest) to match the plan we have decided.
o Change the wording about how we chose the place for the greenhouses and included the bonus bed project.
– Rework objectives so they are more quantifiable and fit with how we plan to conduct our evaluation.
o Keep the formatting of the Goals and Objectives section!
– Clarify in our Goals and Objectives that we plan to use this as a pilot project for other communities across Maine.
– Clarify in our methods how the GH will operate rules wise.
o Also add which immigrant communities will be represented for translation.
– Cite source in the intro paragraph of organizational background.
– Update Project overview to incorporate bonus beds initiative.
SON:
Working on the length, as well as making sure everything is concrete and specific. Explain ourselves more thoroughly
Proposal Idea:
Why this is exciting can be expanded, but otherwise, this one is very solid.
Project Description:
Length/add more details, include other communities and more specific demographics, explain food stamp programs so that readers understand what we are talking about, change community roots objective and make more specific, explain how we will keep the greenhouses secure, give more hard statistics surrounding fresh food access
Organizational Background:
Giving more relevant statistics, not just about children, combine second paragraph with final paragraph in some way, too specific about the one member
Goals and Objectives:
Include more detailed objectives for all goals, rework now that we have a better understanding of goals versus objectives, give more objective measures for success, how will success of goals be measured, give more benchmarks for success measurements
There are a few points of interest that need to be addressed:
One the time frame that is either during the school year or summer program
Another point is our budget, locking down that budget is something we need to do
Focusing more on the background/introducing the problems earlier
Overhaul of the goals/objectives
Be clearer on community/student engagement, how is it measurable?
Fix smart goals
Being more clear on the “corpse painting” narrative
– Overall, more in-depth discussion of needs and background.
– Consistency of goals, budget, and plans throughout all documents
– The timeline for the program needs to be narrowed down
– Ensure that community involvement and arts education are equally driving factors
– Clean up language and remove repetition from all documents
– Elaborate and get the most out of the possible word count for all documents
Statement of need
– Don’t use should
– Use bullet points
– General formatting
– Include mission
– Rework last paragraph, focus on community
Project overview
– Logistics
– Check OGQ minimum wage
– General formatting
– Goals and objectives
– Add statistics
– More on why this will be good for residents
Project description
– Focus on community
– Logistics, the program itself
– More data/statistics on pollution/touch on endangered species
-Edit the budget ask for it to be more feasible and realistic to what the program start up will look like.
– SON: refocus the statistics chosen so they’re more related to the impact of visual arts and/or access to them.
– Org Background: need to include more on how the org is geared toward/the credible choice to fix the stated problem (problem also needs to be intro’d earlier). Also, credentials of board and staff.
– Proj Description: add info about transportation, how long camp is/when in summer, if there is food available, and the intention for the program to be annual (and how the program is new). Also, more info on staff responsibilities.
– Goals and Objs: fix the formatting of goals/objs so they are stated right at the top, change connection building to retention rate, and including IE (equity and inclusion) as part of the SMARTIE goals (do research to see what the barriers to extracurriculars are/if other art programs exist).
– Proj Overview: focus more on the impact portion of the program and how the community will change post-program.
9 thoughts on “JOURNAL # 16”
Organizational background: change the statistics to include both adults and children
Organizational background: Revise last paragraph to include more than one person from the organization
Organizational Background: Combine paragraph in the middle with paragraph at the end
Goals and Objectives: Increase specificity around Community Roots project
Goals and Objectives: add how the sales will be measured
Goals and Objectives: More objectives needed/more specificity
S.O.N: Take out and unnecessary information surrounding different organizations
S.O.N: more background/statistics
All: Make sure that Lewiston-Auburn is hyphenated correctly
Statement of needs:
Focus more on the residents of Maine themselves and how they’re affected by beach pollution
The bulk of the argument revolves around tourism
Run-on sentences
Proposal idea:
Specifically state who is responsible for what
Specifically state who will benefit from this program
Project description:
Mesh together the paragraphs better for improved flow
Don’t use should
Keep volunteers’ and employees’ duties separated to increase readability
Write about the outcome of our project on the water quality
Be optimistic about it at the end
Organizational background info:
Focus more on how we are qualified to do a beach cleanup project
Goals and objectives:
Maybe too many sub-goals
Don’t use should
Need objective for educational goal
Statement of needs:
Focus more on the residents of Maine
– how they’re affected by beach pollution
The argument is centered on tourism
Eliminate run-on sentences
Proposal idea:
State the job of employees, and who is responsible for specific tasks
Go into more detail about who will benefit from the program
Project description:
Combine the paragraphs together to improve the impression of flow
Avoid soft language, such as should, could, would
Be more specific and distinct about the duties of volunteers versus employees – to ensure the writing is clear and digestible
Expand on the outcome of the project
– water quality and other environmental improvements
– education
Have more conviction and be more optimistic about the prospects of the project
Organizational background info:
Be more specific as to why we’re qualified to execute a beach cleanup, and therein, why we should receive the grant
More history of the work the organization had done
Goals and objectives:
There are too many sub-goals
Avoid weak language like should, could, would
Create an objective for the educational goal
– Make sure all formatting of the name Lewiston/Auburn fits the same (L/A) abbreviation.
– Make our statement of need (S.O.N) more specific to the project we have more fully developed.
– Make sure we are asking for enough money work on the budget.
– Update LOI (letter of interest) to match the plan we have decided.
o Change the wording about how we chose the place for the greenhouses and included the bonus bed project.
– Rework objectives so they are more quantifiable and fit with how we plan to conduct our evaluation.
o Keep the formatting of the Goals and Objectives section!
– Clarify in our Goals and Objectives that we plan to use this as a pilot project for other communities across Maine.
– Clarify in our methods how the GH will operate rules wise.
o Also add which immigrant communities will be represented for translation.
– Cite source in the intro paragraph of organizational background.
– Update Project overview to incorporate bonus beds initiative.
SON:
Working on the length, as well as making sure everything is concrete and specific. Explain ourselves more thoroughly
Proposal Idea:
Why this is exciting can be expanded, but otherwise, this one is very solid.
Project Description:
Length/add more details, include other communities and more specific demographics, explain food stamp programs so that readers understand what we are talking about, change community roots objective and make more specific, explain how we will keep the greenhouses secure, give more hard statistics surrounding fresh food access
Organizational Background:
Giving more relevant statistics, not just about children, combine second paragraph with final paragraph in some way, too specific about the one member
Goals and Objectives:
Include more detailed objectives for all goals, rework now that we have a better understanding of goals versus objectives, give more objective measures for success, how will success of goals be measured, give more benchmarks for success measurements
There are a few points of interest that need to be addressed:
One the time frame that is either during the school year or summer program
Another point is our budget, locking down that budget is something we need to do
Focusing more on the background/introducing the problems earlier
Overhaul of the goals/objectives
Be clearer on community/student engagement, how is it measurable?
Fix smart goals
Being more clear on the “corpse painting” narrative
– Overall, more in-depth discussion of needs and background.
– Consistency of goals, budget, and plans throughout all documents
– The timeline for the program needs to be narrowed down
– Ensure that community involvement and arts education are equally driving factors
– Clean up language and remove repetition from all documents
– Elaborate and get the most out of the possible word count for all documents
Statement of need
– Don’t use should
– Use bullet points
– General formatting
– Include mission
– Rework last paragraph, focus on community
Project overview
– Logistics
– Check OGQ minimum wage
– General formatting
– Goals and objectives
– Add statistics
– More on why this will be good for residents
Project description
– Focus on community
– Logistics, the program itself
– More data/statistics on pollution/touch on endangered species
-Edit the budget ask for it to be more feasible and realistic to what the program start up will look like.
– SON: refocus the statistics chosen so they’re more related to the impact of visual arts and/or access to them.
– Org Background: need to include more on how the org is geared toward/the credible choice to fix the stated problem (problem also needs to be intro’d earlier). Also, credentials of board and staff.
– Proj Description: add info about transportation, how long camp is/when in summer, if there is food available, and the intention for the program to be annual (and how the program is new). Also, more info on staff responsibilities.
– Goals and Objs: fix the formatting of goals/objs so they are stated right at the top, change connection building to retention rate, and including IE (equity and inclusion) as part of the SMARTIE goals (do research to see what the barriers to extracurriculars are/if other art programs exist).
– Proj Overview: focus more on the impact portion of the program and how the community will change post-program.